Pictures of RiserGlen

Nov
5th

Thu

Riser's Minions

I know someone who is extremely Liberal. He of course complains about Glenn Beck and the “brainwashed conservatives” while quoting Keith Olbermann and reciting the Obama administration’s talking points like they are gospel. I deal with this person by agreeing with him about how CNN is terrible and The Colbert Report is awesome.

I know someone who is extremely “anti-corporation.” She of course contacts me through her Apple cell phone and COX Cable Internet connection to let me know she’s driving her Chevy Malibu powered by BP gasoline to the mall to buy her Al Gore books from Borders and get her clothes from the Gap. I deal with this person agreeing with her that George Orwell was a fantastic writer.

I am a fiscally conservative, socially liberal, skeptical agnostic who hates labels. I deal with myself by pretending that labeling myself a fiscally conservative, socially liberal, skeptical agnostic who hates labels is so paradoxical that it removes myself and the labels from existence.

I guess it’s all about what ever makes you feel good about yourself, I guess…

Jun
24th

Wed

You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.

— RiserGlen when asked about his heroin addiction.

Mar
5th

Thu

The one where we discuss the future (and past) life of the planet.

itemforty: WiiSucks told me he touched a friend inappropriately
and that his friend has a boyfriend who is an olympic swimmer
and that swimmer was going to kick his ass.
WiiSucks then told me that he sent that swimmer the following email=
"Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I did the mash, I did the monster mash. I did the mash, it was a graveyard smash. What sports do you play, other than "jack off to naked drawn Japanese people"? I also get straight A's, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening."
Josh: WiiSucks' fantasy world is so much more grounded in reality that a kid's fantasy world should be.
itemforty: I think it's called "syphilitic dementia."
But what do I know, I'm just a doctor.
Josh: hahaha
If WiiSucks has syphilis, than maybe this fantasy world is our real world
And we are just living in his dreams
itemforty: Stranger things have happened.
I mean, look at Chicago. That has to be the result of a twisted mind.
Josh: Yeah. Ebert has to be the product of WiiSucks
itemforty: No doubt (dawg). That guy is literally resting on the edge of absurdity.
Dippin' Dots. shudder
Josh: lol

Feb
11th

Wed

Bale became a hero to cast and crew after his tirade against Hurlbut, who was widely despised, sources tell RadarOnline.com exclusively. “Hurlbut was a condescending (bleep) to everyone,” a source told us. His favorite line was “Why don’t you go stab yourself in the head, you idiot.

— Radar Magazine (via riser)

Feb
10th

Tue

To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail.

— RiserGlen, Thanksgiving, 2011

Normal people, I’m told, would think that a plane ride to prison is the scariest thing to happen to you. I wish someone would have told me before this whole ordeal started; I just felt bored.

It was about to be too much…I was almost there; total mental breakdown. I could feel it tugging in my head, whispering, urging me, in the darkest of voices it would say:
“let go and rely on me.”

Feb
6th

Fri

I’m officially the best friend in the universe.

Feb
5th

Thu

He took a second between bites and looked up at me with a scowl. “I never understood people who say, ‘if I could do it again, I would do it the same,’ even for favorable outcomes. I think people who rely on their mistakes for education are damn fools!”

Jan
22nd

Thu

Riser agrees: Extreme Ghostbusters was Terrible

itemforty: THIS IS WHY ALL OF YOU SHOULD MOVE TO AUSTIN
Seriously our economy isn't too bad.
Josh: I wanna move to NYC. But I need a job first...
itemforty: Although our jingle market is taking a huge dive.
It's just not the right time to be singing about deodorant or toothbrushes.
What is in New York?
Josh: Everything that isn't in Ohio
itemforty: Like what?
Josh: Jobs, culture, Sex and the City, Ghostbusters II
itemforty: Hit me up with a checklist. I bet Austin has it.
We have Ghostbusters.
Well, I mean, kind of like Ghostbusters.
More like Ghostbusters Extreme.
Asians and cripples mostly.
So, as long as you take mass transit you are safe to drive around.
Josh: I ain't afraid of no Zipperheads

RiserGlen talking to a Mysterious person.

Joshua: WHY ARE ALL OF OUR FRIENDS LOSING THEIR JOBS D
WHY
D: I DON'T KNOW RISER BUT I'M GONNA CALL THE EARTH DEFENSE FORCE
Joshua: DO IT
TOGETHER WE CAN DESTROY BUILDINGS FOR NO REASON
D: WITH ONE ROCKET
THE BUGS ARE COMMUNISTS
Joshua: THAT ANT COULD KILL SOMEONE BLOW UP THE BUILDING IT'S ON
D: I'D RATHER KILL ALL THE HUMANS MYSELF THAN LET A SINGLE ANT GET A SINGLE PERSON
THAT'S AMERICA
Joshua: THAT'S HOW TERRORISTS WIN
WE TAKE AWAY THEIR VICTORY AND THEY HAVE NOTHING
D: IF WE BLOW UP ALL THE BUILDINGS THERE WILL BE NONE LEFT FOR THEM
GET OBAMA ON THE PHONE
Joshua: THEN WE WIN IN OUR HEARTS
D: I JUST BEAT MYST
Joshua: HOLY FUCK
I AM POSTING THIS ON TUMBLR
D: MAKE SURE YOU GET MY GOOD SIDE

serious situations don’t exist, afterall, to be ignored completely. when faced with a spirit-crushing fight between reason and logic, some amount of glossing-over slips passed the point of irresponsible right in the realm of just plain retarded.

Jan
21st

Wed

(fuck you, mom. You of all people should fucking know better.)

‘But why do this, Riser?’

Well thanks for asking, me.

— RiserGlen while standing over the last, headless immortal on Earth.

“I knew that you would be running low on time, so I packed your overnight,” she said as she handed me the small backpack. “It should have everything you need.”
“Thanks, ” I shouted back. I stumbled for a second, “I guess I shouldn’t check to make sure you didn’t leave any small pox vials in here, right?”
“Well you *could* check, ” she giggled, “but that would definitely ruin the surprise…”
“Fair enough. Tell you what,” I laughed. “I won’t check my bag, and you bail me out of Guantanamo Bay. Deal?”
“Deal!”

Jan
19th

Mon

“excuse me sir,” the woman squeaked out. “I’m going to have to ask you to step over here for a second.”
And all at once a head rush of remarkable proportions hit me, like I swallowed a bottle of absythne and went for a swim in the Arctic: this is going to be really bad.